I've been reading through some of my old journals. I threw most of them out last year so I only have the ones I missed. 15 year old me makes me laugh! And yet some things haven't changed at all. For instance, I still write bad poetry that doesn't make much sense. They are filled with pages and pages of introspection and intense emotion.
I grew up in a male dominated house and my mother wasn't what you'd call 'communicative'. Feelings weren't legitimised or encouraged to be discussed and so it wasn't until my twenties that I realised that it was okay to feel and that feelings were an important and legitimate part of the human experience. As I've been looking through my journals I can see that they provided a safe place to express those emotions and not be mocked.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Soar on Wings like Eagles
I received a desk calendar for Christmas. Each day has a quote from the Psalms and a little reflection.
Today's quote reads: Be wise ~ Psalm 2:10 ~ This weekend I'll ponder all things wonderful.
With most desk calendars you start the year optimistically believing that you'll look at each day and not forget to flip them over. Well I've failed already but I'm okay with that because in the grand scheme of things its not really a 'big' deal. So in the spirit of 'pondering all things wonderful' here is my list of things I am thankful for... (its short today).
My friends - Facebook has redefined friendship. I cannot, nor do I want to maintain 254 friendships. Jesus had 12 friends, one of which would later betray him. But of those 12 he had three close friends: Peter, John and James. I only have a few close friends, friends I trust enough to expose my deepest longings and hurts to and make myself vulnerable with. I find it really hard to trust people and not second guess their intentions. But I hide this well. I hide it behind a wall of humour. If you get too close I'll push away...I guess I struggle to realise why people would want to hang out with me and have me as a friend. So I am so very thankful for those special friends who have stuck in their heels and are travelling this healing journey with me. Community is so important - even God in his very nature being three persons: father, son and holy spirit has community. It is not healthy for me to travel through life without community.
Jesus - on the days when I've laid flat on the floor and clung to hope only by a thread it was Jesus who lovingly pulled me back up. I could not have come as far as I have without Him. God has promised to comfort me...and redeem me into someting far greater than the person I am.
The LORD will surely comfort Zion
and will look with compassion on all her ruins;
he will make her deserts like Eden,
her wastelands like the garden of the LORD.
Joy and gladness will be found in her,
thanksgiving and the sound of singing. ~ Isaiah 51:3
So when I'm lying on the floor, or struggling to get out of bed or stuck in a cycle of self-doubt I cling to his promises for:
...those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. ~ Isaiah 40:31
Today's quote reads: Be wise ~ Psalm 2:10 ~ This weekend I'll ponder all things wonderful.
With most desk calendars you start the year optimistically believing that you'll look at each day and not forget to flip them over. Well I've failed already but I'm okay with that because in the grand scheme of things its not really a 'big' deal. So in the spirit of 'pondering all things wonderful' here is my list of things I am thankful for... (its short today).
My friends - Facebook has redefined friendship. I cannot, nor do I want to maintain 254 friendships. Jesus had 12 friends, one of which would later betray him. But of those 12 he had three close friends: Peter, John and James. I only have a few close friends, friends I trust enough to expose my deepest longings and hurts to and make myself vulnerable with. I find it really hard to trust people and not second guess their intentions. But I hide this well. I hide it behind a wall of humour. If you get too close I'll push away...I guess I struggle to realise why people would want to hang out with me and have me as a friend. So I am so very thankful for those special friends who have stuck in their heels and are travelling this healing journey with me. Community is so important - even God in his very nature being three persons: father, son and holy spirit has community. It is not healthy for me to travel through life without community.
Jesus - on the days when I've laid flat on the floor and clung to hope only by a thread it was Jesus who lovingly pulled me back up. I could not have come as far as I have without Him. God has promised to comfort me...and redeem me into someting far greater than the person I am.
The LORD will surely comfort Zion
and will look with compassion on all her ruins;
he will make her deserts like Eden,
her wastelands like the garden of the LORD.
Joy and gladness will be found in her,
thanksgiving and the sound of singing. ~ Isaiah 51:3
So when I'm lying on the floor, or struggling to get out of bed or stuck in a cycle of self-doubt I cling to his promises for:
...those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. ~ Isaiah 40:31
Friday, January 2, 2009
Touch
I forgot what it feels like to feel safe,
I forgot what it feels like to feel brave
A shattered soul never heals,
This heart of flesh has turned to steal
I’ve forgotten how to feel ~ Kendall Payne
I forgot what it feels like to feel brave
A shattered soul never heals,
This heart of flesh has turned to steal
I’ve forgotten how to feel ~ Kendall Payne
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Key Links
Here are some links to sites that have helped me.
General Information
(these sites have general information and contact numbers)
(these sites have helped me to understand who I am in Christ - a new creation, jealously pursued and loved by God)
General Information
(these sites have general information and contact numbers)
- The Royal Women's Hospital
- Australian Centre for the Study of Sexual Assault
- Centre Against Sexual Assault (Victoria)
(these sites have helped me to understand who I am in Christ - a new creation, jealously pursued and loved by God)
Indiscriminate Acts of Kindness
She came in from the cold. Wet!
Dropped her luggage bags; looked the concierge in the eye
And said ‚I need a room for the night but I don't got no money.
Will you take payment in kind?
He said ‚ alright. I've got a room here you can share mine.
Make the bed in the morning and that'll do fine.
You can change in the bathroom, hang your clothes on the line‚
A tear came to here eye as she thought‚ How could he be so kind
She sat down on the bed with a needle
He said I'd hate to see you bleed
I'll just fetch a warm towel and sit with you till your dry
She started to cry saying ‚Why‚ why, why
Consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness!
She was cold turkey. He was holding her hand.
She said I was ruined by a man‚ and this was never in my plan,
I dreamed of men who loved me together we'd see the world
But somehow I lost myself among the insults they hurled
I'm sure you're a wonderful woman, and someday there'll surely be someone
So just relax now. It's important that you're calm
She said‚ how is it you can see past me as I am
Consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness!
When you took your chances it was like you placed a bet
And sometimes this is the reward you can get
I was always taught when you see someone defiled
You should look them in the eye and smile
Take their hand or better still, take them home. Home. Home?
She awoke early in the morning made the bed gathered up her clothes to leave
Saw the concierge curled on the settee
And said what you did for me is hard for me to believe
I was just doing what was right.
No one that knows love could leave you out there on such a night.
If you can help someone bear this in mind
and consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness
Consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness!
Dropped her luggage bags; looked the concierge in the eye
And said ‚I need a room for the night but I don't got no money.
Will you take payment in kind?
He said ‚ alright. I've got a room here you can share mine.
Make the bed in the morning and that'll do fine.
You can change in the bathroom, hang your clothes on the line‚
A tear came to here eye as she thought‚ How could he be so kind
She sat down on the bed with a needle
He said I'd hate to see you bleed
I'll just fetch a warm towel and sit with you till your dry
She started to cry saying ‚Why‚ why, why
Consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness!
She was cold turkey. He was holding her hand.
She said I was ruined by a man‚ and this was never in my plan,
I dreamed of men who loved me together we'd see the world
But somehow I lost myself among the insults they hurled
I'm sure you're a wonderful woman, and someday there'll surely be someone
So just relax now. It's important that you're calm
She said‚ how is it you can see past me as I am
Consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness!
When you took your chances it was like you placed a bet
And sometimes this is the reward you can get
I was always taught when you see someone defiled
You should look them in the eye and smile
Take their hand or better still, take them home. Home. Home?
She awoke early in the morning made the bed gathered up her clothes to leave
Saw the concierge curled on the settee
And said what you did for me is hard for me to believe
I was just doing what was right.
No one that knows love could leave you out there on such a night.
If you can help someone bear this in mind
and consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness
Consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness!
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